Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Archive for the tag “manners”

Geek Speed Dating

Oh yes, you read that right.  Geek speed dating.  Let me start by giving you a little background information.  For her birthday, my best friend’s husband bought her tickets to a Comic Con.  He, having no interest in geek/nerd matters, asked if I would go with her.  Given my love of all things zombie, outer space-y, and Joss Whedon-y, it was a no brainer.  Of course I’d go with her!  While my bestie and I were looking over the list of events, we saw that they offered speed dating.  Which, for a Comic Con, is without a doubt, geek speed dating.  She suggested that I attend.  I had tried speed dating before (albeit, minus the pre-requisite geekiness), and I did not really enjoy it.  So I told her I was going to skip it.  Well, the first day of the Comic Con arrived.  We went to a panel, walked by the vendors and celebrity row, and during all this, we repeatedly saw people with signs for geek speed dating.  My bestie again suggested that I go.  Finally, deciding that the next panel my bestie wanted to go to did not interest me that much, I signed up for it.  It was literally 5 minutes before the start.  I was the last person to sign up so the host escorted me to the room where the speed dating would take place.  This was way more organized than the speed dating I had attended before!  The guys were kept waiting outside the room while the girls were taken right in.  As I walk in and look around the room, I notice that I am BY FAR the oldest chick in there.  Uh oh.  This is NOT a good sign.  All the girls look like they are in their early 20s if not younger!!!  Abort!  Abort!  But it’s too late, I’m already in the room with the door closed behind me.  After the fact, I did find out that one girl was only 5 years younger than me, so not THAT bad, right?  Right?!?!?!  Well, I immediately start worrying that all the guys will be totally inappropriately aged for me.  I try not to panic.  The host (who happens to be dressed up as Starlord – hot) comes in and says he went over the rules with the guys and now it was our turn.  The whole thing was actually put together with people’s safety in mind, which I do appreciate (hand knitted scarf, anyone?).  All participants were given a “name tag” which was a letter and a number.  No names were to be used.  There was no touching allowed, including hand shakes.  They gave you an index card to make notes so you would remember who was who (eg. M14 had a beard and was wearing a hat).  The host then said that if at any time the guy did anything to make us uncomfortable, we were supposed to pretend to stretch our arms, at which point the host would make eye contact with us and if we nodded, then he would immediately kick the guy out, no questions asked.  At first I thought, that’s really smart!  I appreciate how much thought they put in to safety.  My second thought was, why the hell do they need all those precautions anyway?!?!  Sad to say, there are some messed up people in this world.  In any case, let’s move along to the fun stuff.  The guys.  Instructions over, the host escorts the guys in.  Yup.  Babies.  There was maybe one guy who was around my age.  The rest of them looked like they were walking into their senior English class at school.  Yikes. The guys take their seats across from the girls.  The “dates” commence.  These were all the longest 3 minutes of my life.  First guy up, nervous as anything.  I’m worried he’s going to wet himself.  He barely makes eye contact, and has a nervous laughter.  And he laughs at the end of each sentence he says.  Ugh.  Next, guy seems a little bit older.  College freshman, maybe?  Very nice, doesn’t seem nervous.  We discuss Star Wars.  I try to keep the conversation completely flirt-free because I feel totally skeevy even being there.  We’re not even talking cougar status here.  It’s more like statutory rape status.  I’m totally uncomfortable.  So what do I do?  I start making jokes.  The host is sitting across the room from me and I’m pretty sure he knows exactly what’s going on in my head.  He laughs at my jokes too and gives me an understanding look.  Are we done yet?  Next guy.  Woo hoo!  He’s gotta be around my age!  But he’s definitely not my type.  Not so woo hoo.  More like boo hoo.  We talk about what we came to the Comic Con to see and we get on the subject of Power Rangers.  He mentions his appreciation for the show.  I tell him that I loved the original Power Rangers… because I love cheesy TV shows and movies.  No offense to you guy, if you think Power Rangers rival Shakespeare in their writing and have visual effects that rival any Michael Bay movie.  Thinking I may have insulted him, I try to cover up my mishap by telling him that I totally had a crush on the blue Ranger.  And he says, oh well then I have some bad news for you.  Huh?  What bad news?  He tells me the blue Ranger is gay.  Uh… so what?  I can still have a crush on a gay guy!  And like his being gay is what is keeping us from getting married and living happily ever after.  “I totally thought I had a chance with him, but now that I know he’s gay, I don’t have a chance.”  WTF, dude.  Now it’s his turn to try to steer the subject away and he tells me that he had a crush on the Pink Ranger, but she’s married and has a kid.  Then he leans over to me and stage whispers: “Not that that would stop me.”  NEXT!!!!!  Three minutes HAVE to be up, now.  They.  Have.  To.  Be.  And they are.  Next guy also seems closer to my age.  He is dressed up in a riddler costume from Batman, including face mask.  Here’s one thing they should add to those rules: no face masks allowed during speed dating!  I mean, if you’re not willing to take your mask off for the speed dating, you gotta be hiding something.  Guy sits down.  I say hello.  Nothing from him.  I ask “so you must like riddles, huh?”.  “Yeah.” …long pause… dark, creepy eyes leering at me from the mask… still not saying anything…  I honestly don’t even remember what I talked about I was so put off by him.  And I don’t even know what he said because he was basically whispering the entire time and I was unwilling to lean in closer to hear.  Technically, he had not done anything warranting a good old arm stretch.  But his whole vibe was of a maladjusted awkward man-child who lives in his parents’ basement.  Next!  Now the next four dates were basically interchangeable.  They were four friends that were in town for the weekend from Idaho.  IDAHO.  I’m still unclear as to what brought them to my neck of the woods.  A work thing for one of them?  Or all of them?  A high school wrestling match?  Glee club competition?  Who the fuck knows.  I was barely listening to them at this point.  I just wanted to get the hell out of there.  I hadn’t even taken any notes during the whole thing.  What was the point?  The host now explains how the next part works.  The girls and guys go to opposite sides of the room.  Each individual puts their letter/number combo at the top of a blank piece of paper.  We then switch sides and look for the paper that has the letter/number combo of the person we are interested in dating.  If you are interested in that individual, you put your first name and either phone number or email.  Guess how many papers I put my info on?  If you said none, you would be wrong.  One of the girls who was doing the speed dating was also a volunteer for the event and she put a paper out for the host (Starlord).  He was nice, and funny, and not a child, so I thought, why not?  The host then asked the boys to leave first (so there would be no awkward accosting right outside the room).  As soon as the guys were out, all the girls start exclaiming “The Riddler!!!!”  I was not the only one who found him uber-creepy.  Even the host was like, “yeah, that guy was not right.”  And now can you guess who put their name and email address on my paper?  Can you solve that little riddle?  That’s right.  The Riddler.  Shudder.

FYI, Starlord did not email me.  Sigh.

Deal Breakers

In searching for a partner, everyone has deal breakers, whether or not they even realize it.  Some people won’t date a smoker, or really short people, or people with crooked teeth, etc.  After frequently being sent messages on dating sites by men that I would never date, I decided to be completely up front and list my deal breakers at the beginning of my profile.  Why waste their time as well as mine?  So here they are, as listed in my profile (I’ve given a brief description of each in blue.  That part is not in my profile).

1.) Religion. I’m an Atheist and I’m pretty serious about it. Some people are Atheists and enjoy friendly debates about religion or are fine with dating someone who is a religious person. I, however, am not one of those people. I don’t want to debate it with you. If you are religious and all about church, I’m not here to stop you! I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you.

2.) Conservative Republican. I’m a pretty liberal Democrat. We’re just not going to get along. This is kind of similar to the religion issue. I want to be with someone who believes in the same things as me. Besides, this is as much for them as for me. I know I’m making a generalization here, but I don’t think there are many conservative Republicans out there dying to date a girl with a bunch of tattoos, a bunch of piercings, who doesn’t want kids and supports Planned Parenthood and NOW.  

3.) Kids. I’m sure they’re awesome but no thank you. And then I recently had to add this: And no, your kids are not the exception. I don’t want children. I don’t want other people’s children. And it’s not because I just “haven’t met the right kids yet”. I’ve met plenty of cool kids. I just don’t want them making up my family unit.

Ok, so some people reading this would be like, “Ok, those are legit reasons” whereas others probably think “WTF is wrong with her?!?!” These deal breakers are in no way intended to make people feel bad about themselves or their beliefs. It is merely what I believe and I put it out there so that some Catholic Republican with 5 kids looking for a wife to provide him with 5 more can just move along to the next profile without wasting his time. I’ve gotten some messages that say “Cool!  I’m down with all that”, I’ve gotten some who obviously didn’t read these deal breakers and merely looked at my pics, and I’ve gotten some messages from people who feel personally insulted by them.  Let’s take a gander at some of the fun ones, shall we?

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Why yes, your daughter is a deal breaker. Did you think I was just writing random stuff? Why do you feel the need to change the mind of a perfect stranger? Wouldn’t it just be easier to find someone who does like kids? And yes, I do like redheads, but not enough to change my deal breakers.

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Why shouldn’t I be picky? I’m trying to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I’m not settling. And, why would you bother messaging someone to tell them you WOULDN’T get along? Just move on to the next profile. Geez!

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This is the profile of a guy who messaged me.  Please to note “the six things I could never do without”. Number 1: God. Deal breaker. Number 4: Faith. Isn’t that kind of like #1? No matter. Deal breaker. Number 5: My Kids. Seriously? Those are three things that I could never do WITH. Thank you, move along.

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Ok, fine. But I’m not looking for more friends. I’m not going to bother with replying.

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Wait, what? You’re just really trying for a response from me, aren’t you?

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I have serious doubts that you read or enjoyed my profile. If you had actually read my profile, as a father of two, you probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much.

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Dude. Are you just going around sending form letters to everyone on the app? You might want to keep track of who you already sent messages to. Just a suggestion.

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Oh, did I forget to mention that bad grammar and spelling is also a deal breaker?  😉

Bad Boys, Bad Boys. Whatcha gonna do?

They say that girls like bad boys.  If that’s true then I guess I’m an exception to the rule.  I don’t like bad boys.  They don’t turn me on.  I only started liking Darryl on The Walking Dead after they showed that he had a soft side.  So when guys try to be all tough on their profiles, all I have to say is “pass”.  And I just don’t understand the offensive pictures.  What’s that supposed to show, exactly?  Ok class, cue the first slide!

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Giving yourself the finger totally takes away the lameness of taking a selfie in your car.  Yeah, totally.  You nailed it, ‘brah.

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Oh, so you’re saying your friends are idiots too?  Good to know.  Plus, you are obviously a great role model for little kids.

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Photographer: “Ok, dude.  Now put your hand in your pocket so you can look casual.  Hmmm.. something’s missing in this picture.  Oh, I know!  Flip the bird!  It’s brings the whole composition together.”

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Know how you can add that touch of class to your “fuck you” picture?  Stick your middle finger up your nose.  Voila!  Class!

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This guy must have graduated from the same school of manners as “What’s your ass up to” and “Turd Burglar”.

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Are you going to tell me that you didn’t notice the guy doing that gesture in the background of your picture?  Please.  Way to slip that one in.  No pun intended.

The lesson learned today is that if you don’t want to come over as a complete douche, put your hands down.  And your pants up.  But that’s another post for another day 😛

Story Time!

Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while.  I just haven’t been in a joking mood.  I find more and more things in online dating that are NOT funny especially the way that women are treated.  But let’s put that aside for now and let me tell you a little story.  I apologize for the lack of pictures, this was from before I started documenting this crazy journey.

I had been on OKC for several years, off and on.  Last Christmas, after a disastrous “relationship” with a guy, a friend suggested that I try POF.  So in the spirit of new beginnings, after the New Year I created a profile on there.  I started chatting with this guy and he seemed really nice.  We started talking about meeting up but after giving it some thought, I realized that I was still upset about the last guy and that this would just be rebound and I was not ready to start dating anybody.  I messaged this guy and told him that.  He messages me back, kind of angrily, asking me why I was on a dating site if I wasn’t ready to date.  I told him that I thought I was ready but when we started making plans to meet, I realized I wasn’t ready.  Obviously I didn’t purposefully lead him on.  He basically said “whatever” and that was that.

Being busy with work and whatnot, I didn’t go back to online dating for several months.  Once I did, I checked my OKC profile first and saw a message that this guy (from POF) had sent to me that said “I thought you weren’t ready to date?”.  Now, I should have known better and left it alone but for some reason, I don’t like thinking there are people out there thinking badly of me.  Well, unless I deserve it, of course 😛  So I message him back (on OKC) and tell him that it was an old profile and that I wasn’t actively using it when I told him I wasn’t ready to date.  He was very nice and pleasant and we started talking again.  A couple of days later we were chatting and I told him I was on my way out to hang out with my sister for the evening.  I got home late and noticed that he had written me a whole long story about his life.  Since it was late and I was tired, I figured that I would just reply to him in the morning.  In the middle of the night, my geriatric dog woke me up to go outside.  I let him out and while I was waiting for him to come back inside, I decided to re-read the message this guy had sent me and reply.  However, unbeknownst to me while I had been sleeping, he had messaged me again asking me what he said that made me “flake out”.  Waaaaaiiittt.  What?  I replied that I had told him that I was going out with my sister that night and that I had gotten home late and didn’t have time to read his message and reply.  Then sitting there in bed, waiting for my dog to get his little old butt back inside, I started getting angry.  One time I didn’t reply right away and he calls that flaking out?  What the hell?  All these alarms started going off in my head.  Again, a situation in which I didn’t owe this guy anything.  I had done nothing wrong.  So I messaged him again and told him that I felt insulted that he would say I flaked out after not responding ONCE, especially since I had already told him I would be busy.  I told him that it gave me a bad feeling and that I didn’t want to continue talking to him.  And then I blocked him.

Now remember, the first time I spoke with him was on POF.  The subsequent conversations and blocking were done on OKC.  A few days ago I saw that he visited my profile on POF.  Ugh.  Thankfully though, he has not contacted me.  But if he does, I’ll know better than to respond!

Manners Matter

Frequently during the dating process I run into guys that seemed to have skipped kindergarten.  It’s like they’ve never been taught manners or politeness or just plain old being nice!  Sometimes you have to wonder if they think before speaking (or typing, for that matter).  Although, I guess it’s a good thing that they don’t because then I know early on that I don’t want to continue to interact with them!  Case in point:  I’d been chatting with this guy for several weeks.  We hadn’t met yet because he currently lives out of state but comes back to Wilmington once a month to see family.  We were planning on getting together at some point during one of his visits.  So during these weeks we’ve been chatting, getting to know each other and joking around a little.  Then today he sends me this little gem:

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I actually just sat there and stared at the screen for a minute, shocked.  Now, had this been sent to me by a close friend, I wouldn’t have even batted an eyelid and would probably have texted back something equally obnoxious.  The difference being that I know my friends, and that I know that they value me as a person.  I don’t know this guy well enough for him to talk to me that way.  I have a problem with guys treating me with disrespect.  It’s one of my biggest issues.  If I feel at all disrespected, I get super defensive.  So I type exactly what I would have said had this happened in person:

Number 1

I clearly state that I’m taken aback by his comment.  And he thinks it’s funny.  I start thinking to myself, well I wouldn’t care if a friend said that to me, so I explain to him that I think it’s something you’d say to a buddy.  You’d think that if you were interested in someone and you wanted to pursue a relationship with that someone, you’d try to not be offensive.

Number 2

He still thinks it’s funny but gives a half hearted apology.  I had nothing to say to that, so I just ignored it for the time being.  He obviously gives it some thought and messages me later saying he ‘DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING VULGAR OR INAPPROPRIATE’.  Are you kidding me?!?!?!  Would you use the word “ass” to your boss?  Would you use it in front of your little nieces or nephews?  Do you go around to people you just met and ask them what their ass is up to today?

Grocery Bagger: “How are you doing today?”
Him: “Not too bad.  How’s your ass today?”
Grocery Bagger: “…”

Number 3

At this point, I’m getting a little riled up (it’s not that hard to do, I know).  So I tell him what’s up.  Especially since he’s keeps LOLing like it’s no big deal.

Number 4

You don’t see anything POSSIBLY wrong???  At all???  Seriously, not at all???  He couldn’t have said, “I’m sorry you took it as disrespectful but that wasn’t my intention.”  Nope.  Not this guy.  So I wished him luck and sent him on his way.  Looking back, I should have known we weren’t a good match.  I mean, he had a camo hat on in one of his pics.  No guy who wears camo has ever been a good match for me.  But alas, hind-sight is 20/20.  So dear readers, what has YOUR ass been up to?

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