Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Deal Breakers

In searching for a partner, everyone has deal breakers, whether or not they even realize it.  Some people won’t date a smoker, or really short people, or people with crooked teeth, etc.  After frequently being sent messages on dating sites by men that I would never date, I decided to be completely up front and list my deal breakers at the beginning of my profile.  Why waste their time as well as mine?  So here they are, as listed in my profile (I’ve given a brief description of each in blue.  That part is not in my profile).

1.) Religion. I’m an Atheist and I’m pretty serious about it. Some people are Atheists and enjoy friendly debates about religion or are fine with dating someone who is a religious person. I, however, am not one of those people. I don’t want to debate it with you. If you are religious and all about church, I’m not here to stop you! I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you.

2.) Conservative Republican. I’m a pretty liberal Democrat. We’re just not going to get along. This is kind of similar to the religion issue. I want to be with someone who believes in the same things as me. Besides, this is as much for them as for me. I know I’m making a generalization here, but I don’t think there are many conservative Republicans out there dying to date a girl with a bunch of tattoos, a bunch of piercings, who doesn’t want kids and supports Planned Parenthood and NOW.  

3.) Kids. I’m sure they’re awesome but no thank you. And then I recently had to add this: And no, your kids are not the exception. I don’t want children. I don’t want other people’s children. And it’s not because I just “haven’t met the right kids yet”. I’ve met plenty of cool kids. I just don’t want them making up my family unit.

Ok, so some people reading this would be like, “Ok, those are legit reasons” whereas others probably think “WTF is wrong with her?!?!” These deal breakers are in no way intended to make people feel bad about themselves or their beliefs. It is merely what I believe and I put it out there so that some Catholic Republican with 5 kids looking for a wife to provide him with 5 more can just move along to the next profile without wasting his time. I’ve gotten some messages that say “Cool!  I’m down with all that”, I’ve gotten some who obviously didn’t read these deal breakers and merely looked at my pics, and I’ve gotten some messages from people who feel personally insulted by them.  Let’s take a gander at some of the fun ones, shall we?

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Why yes, your daughter is a deal breaker. Did you think I was just writing random stuff? Why do you feel the need to change the mind of a perfect stranger? Wouldn’t it just be easier to find someone who does like kids? And yes, I do like redheads, but not enough to change my deal breakers.

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Why shouldn’t I be picky? I’m trying to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I’m not settling. And, why would you bother messaging someone to tell them you WOULDN’T get along? Just move on to the next profile. Geez!

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This is the profile of a guy who messaged me.  Please to note “the six things I could never do without”. Number 1: God. Deal breaker. Number 4: Faith. Isn’t that kind of like #1? No matter. Deal breaker. Number 5: My Kids. Seriously? Those are three things that I could never do WITH. Thank you, move along.

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Ok, fine. But I’m not looking for more friends. I’m not going to bother with replying.

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Wait, what? You’re just really trying for a response from me, aren’t you?

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I have serious doubts that you read or enjoyed my profile. If you had actually read my profile, as a father of two, you probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much.

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Dude. Are you just going around sending form letters to everyone on the app? You might want to keep track of who you already sent messages to. Just a suggestion.

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Oh, did I forget to mention that bad grammar and spelling is also a deal breaker?  😉

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