Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Archive for the category “Dating Etiquette”

To Reply or Not Reply

That is the question, folks!  If Hamlet was dating in the 21st century, he’d probably be pondering just that.  Today’s topic comes from a discussion I had with friends about not getting replies to messages on the dating apps, and the frustration that ensued.

 

Personally, it doesn’t really bother me if I don’t get a reply to a message.  If they’re not interested, they’re not interested.  They don’t owe me anything.  It bothered me at first, but after all these years (years?!?!  Ugh!) I’m pretty used to it.  For the most part, I don’t reply either.  I mean, some messages don’t even warrant a reply.  For example:

These guys can’t even put any effort into their messages.  One of them isn’t even a question or an opening remark, simply a statement: sexy.  Is this guy even interested in starting a conversation or going on a date or is he just telling me something?  I’m sorry, but I can’t be bothered with messages like this.  Besides, these messages make me think that they have not even read my profile, they just looked at my pictures.  And that’s just not enough for me.

Then sometimes the messages are just stupid or makes the guy sound like an idiot.  I know that’s a snap judgement, but again, I just don’t feel like putting in the time and effort to try to see if there is more to these guys:

what it do

There’s also the messages that are obviously pick up lines and they are just waiting for you to reply to drop it on you.  NO THANK YOU.

hurt'

I know this guy just wants me to message back with “what hurt?” and he’ll reply with something super cheesy like “when I fell for you”.  Ugh. Up your game, dude.

Sometimes I think that I should just message people back right away with a “not interested” because some people just can’t take the hint.  They will just keep messaging you over and over again, usually with the same stuff until you finally break down and message them just to shut them the fuck up.

1

hi how are you doing.jpg

I’ve talked about this before: how the anonymity of the internet makes people think they can just say whatever they want, no matter how rude or inappropriate.  Maybe had I replied to this guy with a “not interested” it wouldn’t have escalated to this:

breast

That definitely escalated quickly!  Was he expecting me to reply with “Thank you!!!  I was just waiting for you to say something about my breasts before replying!”  This is the internet for you! I’m pretty sure this guy doesn’t go around meeting new people in public going “Hi, how are you?  You have amazing breasts!”.  Or maybe he does.  I don’t know this guy.  But if he does do that in person, I hope women have punched him in the ball sack for it.

This next guy’s approach could be interpreted in two ways.  Let’s see what he wrote.

race

First thought, he’s a male with a fragile ego who can’t take rejection from a woman as having anything to do with him or his approach.  So he has to blame it on something else.  “This chick didn’t reply to me, she must not date black guys.”  That way he doesn’t have to look at himself too closely, like “maybe I should have messaged her with something about her profile or written more than just a good morning.”  Nope. It’s so much easier to put the blame on someone else.  My second thought is that he said that to get a response out of me by hoping that I would reply to prove him wrong.  Like I’m so scared that a stranger on the internet might think I’m racist, that I have to message him back to clarify it.  Well I know that I’m not racist, I don’t have to try to prove to a stranger that I’m not interested in that I’m not.  No matter why this guy messaged me that, I’m not replying.

Now sometimes when I’m feeling particularly snarky, I will reply to guys who have repeatedly messaged me:

line

But obviously this usually dissolves into immature insults.  So maybe I should stick to my “no reply” rule… ūü§£

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Prince Not-So-Charming

Taking the advice of friends, I decided to jump back into the dating apps after my latest dating disappointment.¬† If I found one “good guy” whom I connected with on a dating app, it stands to reason that there are others out there, right?¬† If there is, it’s going to take a lot of sorting through a lot of crap to find him.¬† Let’s get started, shall we?

Now, if you ever find yourself feeling too good about yourself, might I suggest putting a profile on a dating app?¬† Endlessly swiping right and getting little to no matches does wonderful things for your ego.¬† I mean, if you’re not drop dead gorgeous that is.¬† I’m sure those ladies do a lot less swiping and get a lot more matches.¬† Or actually, they probably aren’t on the apps to begin with, right?¬† Well, us lesser mortals get to go online to find that none of the attractive people have matched with us.¬† Yay.¬† Good times.¬† Or, if your ego is still a little too prominent, there’s always the unsolicited insults and “constructive criticism” of open messaging apps like OkCupid and POF:

eyes

Thanks for the compliment! But also, go fuck yourself.¬† And then there’s nothing quite logging in to find a message like this waiting for you:

moron

Although I’m a little disappointed by how short this message was compared to some of the other insults I’ve gotten in the past.¬† But hey, at least they are showing me their true colors.¬† Because you can’t really judge a person by their profile description.¬† For example, that lovely message from above came from this guy:

full profile no edit.png

Did you catch that?  Let me point out the most pertinent info:

full profile

That’s right, folks!¬† The asshole that sent me the “moron” message is a kind, friendly, nice all around guy.¬† He also happens to be a gentle, compassionate person who enjoys the simple things life has to offer with no head games.¬† Obviously.¬† Also to show how serious he is about this whole dating thing, his profile includes just this one awesome picture:

message

AND we’re a 74% match?!?!?¬† Winner, winner, chicken dinner!¬† Let’s do this!!!!¬† Although, thinking about it, I would much rather have a guy message me two words, followed by two question marks, and then get angry at me and name calling when I don’t respond:

rude and disrespectful

I’m rude and disrespectful?¬† I gave your message the same amount of time and consideration you gave when you messaged me TWO WHOLE WORDS that didn’t even have a context.¬† Do I really need to go over the whole “I don’t owe you anything” speech again?¬† (In case you missed it, please go to the post titled “Let’s Get Serious).

So yes, getting dumped was not fun.¬† I was and still am, hurt.¬† And also yes, I have a whole blog dedicated to the hellishness that is online dating.¬† I do, however, try to be a little more positive about it on my profiles.¬† I don’t want to seem as if I’ve lost all hope of ever finding a partner, soul mate, roommate, bill sharer, heavy lifter, missing member of my family’s band.¬† Who gets turned on by negative Nancies anyway?¬† Obviously the following gentlemen did not get the memo:

bag on your head

Ok, I like that you used a simile here.¬† That’s nice.¬† At least he didn’t specifically come out and insult all women, like the following gentlemen.¬† Maybe they are just going with some reverse psychology.¬† Instead of saying nice things, they say super rude things! That’ll make those replies flood in!

sad

I did not know that Trump was on a dating site!¬† That’s exciting!

hoe

Those are my only two options???¬† I’m pretty sure there’s a third status that you neglected to list…

‚ÄĘ hoe

‚ÄĘ wife

‚ąö not dating you

Guess I’m off the fence now, buddy.¬† Also, it’s “your”, “you”, and “there”.¬† If you’re going to be insulting, you might as well be grammatically accurate.

cunt

There’s just something about a guy calling a woman a cunt… I really just want to date this bitter, bitter man.¬† I’m sure he’s very respectful and loving.¬† P.S. anybody else find it a little ironic that this guy Stands with Planned Parenthood?¬† Maybe he thought the PP stood for Pretty Pussies.¬† Or Perky Pussies.¬† He definitely thought one of those Ps stood for pussy.

For the equal opportunity haters, we’ve got the men who hate the opposite sex AND their own sex:

tom.jpg

I… just… there are no words.¬† Let’s move on to the next dating strategy.¬† The “prove me wrong” type.¬† I’m not going to lie.¬† I’ve absolutely thought similar things about guys.¬† I might have even tweeted similar things.¬† But a dating profile is not where you should be putting these thoughts.¬† It does not get you dates.

good men

negative nancy

Although, he does have a point about the entrepreneur thing.¬† Up until they changed their settings so you could write in your own profession, 90% of profiles I saw had that listed as their occupation.¬† It made me think of Shark Tank every time.¬† And then I’d try to decide what particular thing that individual would be pitching to the sharks.¬† It didn’t help with my dating, but it sure made it a little more interesting to look through these profiles.

funny

You get the picture.¬† And I get how exhausting the whole dating profile is.¬† I’ve changed mine a million times.¬† How do you accurately describe yourself?¬† How do you accurately describe the person you’re looking for?¬† Nobody likes filling out those things.¬† But for fuck’s sakes, put in a little effort.

hate these sites

Yeah, I get it.¬† Do something constructive with your hate though, dude.¬† Like write a blog or something. ūüėȬ† Now this next guy gives a whole new meaning to having a blah profile.

blah

Now this next guy put some effort into his profile.¬† He’s even got multiple pictures, and a profile title and…‚Ķ

lotion

Excuse me while I go vomit….

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say…

I’ve seen it all, folks. And then I saw it a few more times. Now, it really baffles me why people feel the need to go out of their way to be mean or insult a perfect stranger. Do they get their kicks from it? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Are they just doing it to get a rise out of a person for the sole purpose of FINALLY getting someone to respond to a message? Because they can’t possibly be the type of person people are drawn to, right?  So here’s another wonderfully insulting message I received:


My choice to wear a nose ring is exactly that. MY CHOICE. I don’t care if you think I look ridiculous. I like it. Just like the clothes I wear. Or my tattoos.

Speaking of my tattoos, I’m going to go on a little tangent here. I just love it when people (including family members) say they don’t like my tattoos. I didn’t get my tattoos for them. The only difference between my nose ring or my clothes is that they are permanent representations of things that I love or things that mean something special/important to me. So thanks for insulting me, basically.
So anyway, back to the topic at hand. Dating in this day and age is way more hard on the ego than it used to be. The anonymity of the Internet lets people be complete assholes without any repercussions. Would this guy have walked up to me on the street and said the same thing? Of course not. Although I wish he had that way I could have slapped him in the face. But instead he chooses the safety of his computer to insult me. So not only do I have to deal with guys not replying to my messages, bad dates, and rejection, I get insulted. Good times, huh?

New App, Same “Dicks”

Sorry I haven’t blogged for a while. My “vintage” laptop died and it’s a pain in the ass to blog on my phone. But I still have a lot of stories! So without further ado… 

I recently signed up for a new dating app, named Bumble. I thought the premise was pretty smart. You look at profiles and you either swipe right for yes and left for no. If both people swipe right, you get a notification but only the girl can start messaging (at least in the hetero version). So you can’t see who likes you before you like them back but you also can’t get a bunch of creepy messages from random guys you’re not interested in. But also you only have 24 hours to message them before they go away. At least this is how the free version works. Anyway, last night I got a mutual match and sent him an email. Here’s the conversation:


Honestly, that was the first time I’ve gotten that reaction. I hate my smile so I’m usually smirking in all my pics. 


When you picture a sweet and innocent person, does that person have multiple piercings including a nose ring and multiple tattoos? I didn’t think so. But whatever, dude. I ask him about himself and he says that it would be boring. Thinking he’s talking about himself I’m a little confused and ask him what he means. 


Ok. I’ve been down this road before. Either he’s insulting me, which if you’ve read any of my other blog entries you’ll know it’s not a rare occurrence, or he’s trying to goad me into “proving” that I’m not innocent. Which in guy speak means “show me your tits”.


So far he hasn’t been too much of an ass so I decide to be a little flirty. And then:


There it is! Doesn’t take long for some guys to bring their penises into the conversation. Ugh. I am not looking for a quick hook up. You know what they say, honesty is the best policy. Since he’s been so honest with me, the least I can do is be honest with him. 


Crickets. More crickets. Cut away to the guy complaining about how much feminists suck and how I’m probably a cold prude and yadda yadda yadda.

Ok, bye now.

He might have been a dick but at least he didn’t send me a picture of his dick. That’s a nice change. 

Bumble = ūüĎéūüŹĽ

Geek Speed Dating

Oh yes, you read that right. ¬†Geek speed dating. ¬†Let me start by giving you a little background information. ¬†For her birthday, my best friend’s husband bought her tickets to a Comic Con. ¬†He, having no interest in geek/nerd matters, asked if I would go with her. ¬†Given my love of all things zombie, outer space-y, and Joss Whedon-y, it was a no brainer. ¬†Of course I’d go with her! ¬†While my bestie and I were¬†looking over the list of events, we saw that they offered speed dating. ¬†Which, for a Comic Con, is without a doubt, geek speed dating. ¬†She¬†suggested that I attend. ¬†I had tried speed dating before (albeit, minus the pre-requisite geekiness), and I did not really enjoy it. ¬†So I told her I was going to skip it. ¬†Well, the first day of the Comic Con arrived. ¬†We went to a panel, walked by the vendors and celebrity row, and during all this, we repeatedly saw people with signs for geek speed dating. ¬†My bestie again suggested that I go. ¬†Finally, deciding that the next panel my bestie wanted to go to did not interest me that much, I signed up for it. ¬†It was literally 5 minutes before the start. ¬†I was the last person to sign up so the host escorted me to the room where the speed dating would take place. ¬†This was way more organized than the speed dating I had attended before! ¬†The guys were kept waiting outside the room while the girls were taken right in. ¬†As I walk in and look around the room, I notice that I am BY FAR the oldest chick in there. ¬†Uh oh. ¬†This is NOT a good sign. ¬†All the girls look like they are in their early 20s if not younger!!! ¬†Abort! ¬†Abort! ¬†But it’s too late, I’m already in the room with the door closed behind me. ¬†After the fact, I did find out that one girl was only 5 years younger than me, so not THAT bad, right? ¬†Right?!?!?! ¬†Well, I immediately start worrying that all the guys will be totally inappropriately aged for me. ¬†I try not to panic. ¬†The host (who happens to be dressed up as Starlord – hot) comes in and says he went over the rules with the guys and now it was our turn. ¬†The whole thing was actually put together with people’s¬†safety in mind, which I do appreciate (hand knitted scarf, anyone?). ¬†All participants were given a “name tag” which was a letter and a number. ¬†No names were to be used. ¬†There was no touching allowed, including hand shakes. ¬†They gave you an index card to make notes so you would remember who was who (eg. M14 had a beard and was wearing a hat). ¬†The host then said that if at any time the guy did anything to make us uncomfortable, we were supposed to pretend to stretch our arms, at which point the host would make eye contact with us and if we nodded, then he would immediately kick the guy out, no questions asked. ¬†At first I thought, that’s really smart! ¬†I appreciate how much thought they put in to safety. ¬†My second thought was, why the hell do they need all those precautions anyway?!?! ¬†Sad to say, there are some messed up people in this world. ¬†In any case, let’s move along to the fun stuff. ¬†The guys. ¬†Instructions over, the host escorts the guys in. ¬†Yup. ¬†Babies. ¬†There was maybe one guy who was around my age. ¬†The rest of them looked like they were walking into their senior English class at school. ¬†Yikes. The guys take their seats across from the girls. ¬†The “dates” commence. ¬†These were all the longest 3 minutes of my life. ¬†First guy up, nervous as anything. ¬†I’m worried he’s going to wet himself. ¬†He barely makes eye contact, and has a nervous laughter. ¬†And he laughs at the end of each sentence he says. ¬†Ugh. ¬†Next, guy seems a little bit older. ¬†College freshman, maybe? ¬†Very nice, doesn’t seem nervous. ¬†We discuss Star Wars. ¬†I try to keep the conversation completely flirt-free because I feel totally skeevy even being there. ¬†We’re not even talking cougar status here. ¬†It’s more like statutory rape status. ¬†I’m totally uncomfortable. ¬†So what do I do? ¬†I start making jokes. ¬†The host is sitting across the room from me and I’m pretty sure he knows exactly what’s going on in my head. ¬†He laughs at my jokes too and gives me an understanding look. ¬†Are we done yet? ¬†Next guy. ¬†Woo hoo! ¬†He’s gotta be around my age! ¬†But he’s definitely not my type. ¬†Not so woo hoo. ¬†More like boo hoo. ¬†We talk about what we came to the Comic Con to see and we get on the subject of Power Rangers. ¬†He mentions his appreciation for the show. ¬†I tell him that I loved the original Power Rangers… because I love cheesy TV shows and movies. ¬†No offense to you guy, if you think Power Rangers rival Shakespeare in their writing and have visual effects that rival any Michael Bay movie. ¬†Thinking I may have insulted him, I try to cover up my mishap by telling him that I totally had a crush on the blue Ranger. ¬†And he says, oh well then I have some bad news for you. ¬†Huh? ¬†What bad news? ¬†He tells me the blue Ranger is gay. ¬†Uh… so what? ¬†I can still have a crush on a gay guy! ¬†And like his being gay is what is keeping us from getting married and living happily ever after. ¬†“I totally thought I had a chance with him, but now that I know he’s gay, I don’t have a chance.” ¬†WTF, dude. ¬†Now it’s his turn to try to steer the subject away and he tells me that he had a crush on the Pink Ranger, but she’s married and has a kid. ¬†Then he leans over to me and stage whispers: “Not that that would stop me.” ¬†NEXT!!!!! ¬†Three minutes HAVE to be up, now. ¬†They. ¬†Have. ¬†To. ¬†Be. ¬†And they are. ¬†Next guy also seems closer to my age. ¬†He is dressed up in a riddler costume from Batman, including face mask. ¬†Here’s one thing they should add to those rules: no face masks allowed during speed dating! ¬†I mean, if you’re not willing to take your mask off for the speed dating, you gotta be hiding something. ¬†Guy sits down. ¬†I say hello. ¬†Nothing from him. ¬†I ask “so you must like riddles, huh?”. ¬†“Yeah.” …long pause… dark, creepy eyes leering at me from the mask… still not saying anything… ¬†I honestly don’t even remember what I talked about I was so put off by him. ¬†And I don’t even know what he said because he was basically whispering the entire time and I was unwilling to lean in closer to hear. ¬†Technically, he had not done anything warranting a good old arm stretch. ¬†But his whole vibe was of a maladjusted awkward man-child who lives in his parents’ basement. ¬†Next! ¬†Now the next four dates were basically interchangeable. ¬†They were four friends that were in town for the weekend from Idaho. ¬†IDAHO. ¬†I’m still unclear as to what brought them to my neck of the woods. ¬†A work thing for one of them? ¬†Or all of them? ¬†A high school wrestling match? ¬†Glee club competition? ¬†Who the fuck knows. ¬†I was barely listening to them at this point. ¬†I just wanted to get the hell out of there. ¬†I hadn’t even taken any notes during the whole thing. ¬†What was the point? ¬†The host now explains how the next part works. ¬†The girls and guys go to opposite sides of the room. ¬†Each individual puts their letter/number combo at the top of a blank piece of paper. ¬†We then switch sides and look for the paper that has the letter/number combo of the person we are interested in dating. ¬†If you are interested in that individual, you put your first name and either phone number or email. ¬†Guess how many papers I put my info on? ¬†If you said none, you would be wrong. ¬†One of the girls who was doing the speed dating was also a volunteer for the event and she put a paper out for the host (Starlord). ¬†He was nice, and funny, and not a child, so I thought, why not? ¬†The host then asked the boys to leave first (so there would be no awkward accosting right outside the room). ¬†As soon as the guys were out, all the girls start exclaiming “The Riddler!!!!” ¬†I was not the only one who found him uber-creepy. ¬†Even the host was like, “yeah, that guy was not right.” ¬†And now can you guess who put their name and email address on my paper? ¬†Can you solve that little riddle? ¬†That’s right. ¬†The Riddler. ¬†Shudder.

FYI, Starlord did not email me.  Sigh.

It’s a Small World After Aaaaaallllll

Now that I’ve got that tune stuck in your head (you’re welcome), let me tell you about the small world that is online dating. It never fails that when you go out to your local bar, you run into some people from high school. That is the curse of living in a small state. But seeing how many profiles are on these dating apps, you think “oh! Look at all these people who have no connection to me whatsoever!” Browsing through all these interesting possibilities, I see a profile of a man I find attractive. We start chatting and after a few days I get this intense craving for sushi so I decide to ask him out to go get some sushi. The day before our date, I am chit chatting with a coworker and tell her I have a date with a guy named “Marcus”. 

“I know him”, she says right off the bat. 

“Come on. There’s no way you know all the Marcuses in the state.” 

“I guarantee you I know him.”

So I show her his picture. Sure enough, she produces pictures of him on her phone! They had dated previously but we’re not currently seeing each other. Now for some background information: I have some deal breakers listed clearly in my online dating profile. One of them is kids. I’m not a kid person and am not interested in dating someone with them. My coworker knows this. So she asks me:

“How well do you know him?”

“Not well, we just chatted a little bit but I was desperate for some sushi and just decided to ask him out. Why?

“Did he tell you he has a kid?”

“Uh… No.”

“And last time I talked to him, he didn’t have a job, or a car and lived with his grandma.”

“I see.”

“He didn’t tell you any of this?”

“Obviously not. And it doesn’t say anywhere in his profile that he has kids!!!”

“Well, I know him and I know you. And trust me, he’s not your type.”

Crap. I had already made a date with him for the next day! Now what? I didn’t want to go out with this guy who had previously dated a coworker of mine and conveniently forgot to mention he had a kid (after reading my profile which specifically states no kids). I felt bad canceling at the last minute but how awkward would it be going out with him when I had all this insider information on him? So I decided to cancel our date. 

 
 This user disabled their account. Well that’s that, I guess! It seems you just can’t avoid running into old high school and college people, old exes and other people’s exes even in the large pool that is online dating apps.

Potty Selfie

Sorry it’s been so long between posts, my dear readers! ¬†I’ve still got lots to blog about, I just need the time and motivation! ¬†So without further ado, I give you the first post of the year: TOILETS!!!!

People put a lot of selfies on their dating profiles. ¬†That’s totally ok. ¬†Some people take those selfies in bathrooms. ¬†That’s ok too. ¬†As long as you follow some simple rules:

Check the background first. ¬†I tend to look in the background to see if I can read into people. ¬†Let’s look at our first two examples.

background 1

Dear Sir, why do you have a bottle of Nair on your sink?  Are you really into manscaping?  Do you live with female roommates?  Do you live with your Mom????  Are you actually married????  The possibilities are endless!!!

fixing something 1

Dear Sir, why is there a ladder in the bathroom behind you? ¬†Are you in there fixing something? ¬†Are you slacking off on the job to take a selfie? ¬†Is this your pre-escape pic from the prison bathroom? ¬†Hmmm… maybe I just have too vivid an imagination.

Make sure the bathroom is clean. ¬†Why would you take a picture of yourself in a dirty bathroom? ¬†If it’s your own bathroom, then that makes me think you are a slob. ¬†If it’s a public bathroom, why wouldn’t you wait until you found a clean bathroom to take your pic?

 dirty 1 dirty 3

Graffiti can be art.  Scratches on bathroom mirrors is not art.

dirty 2 dirty 4

Dirty mirror makes you look dirty!

Make sure your picture is centered. ¬†The star of the picture should be you, not the urinals. ¬†I really don’t want to see close ups of all the bathroom equipment. ¬†Those things don’t interest me, thanks.

public off center 1public off center 4

Those are some nice, roomy stalls there my friend.  Congrats.  Ooh, your public restroom has a hand dryer and a soap dispenser?!?!  Awesome!

public off center 2

Dude, you cut the top of your head off. ¬†All I’ve got to look at is that shiny hand dryer and sink. ¬†Sweet.

public off center 3

Now this guy is giving me the whole view!  Changing station, door, counter, soap dispenser, trash can.  This one has it all!

public off center 5

Now that’s a depressing toilet. ¬†Look at those brick walls and sad pastel blue doors. ¬†Boo.

Don’t take a picture in a public bathroom when someone’s trying to take a dump.¬†That’s just rude. ¬†You’re in there with your buddy, trying to find the perfect angle for your picture, meanwhile the guy in the back is trying to have a nice, peaceful morning poop. ¬†You’re going to give him stress constipation, man!

pooping 1

Pick a nice bathroom to take a picture of.¬†I’ve seen so many bathroom pics on dating profiles that I’m becoming quite the bathroom connoisseur. ¬†Some people take pics in really nice bathrooms!

maybe public 1 nice public 1 nice public 2

Look at that tile work! ¬†And those color schemes! ¬†And those mirrors!!!! ¬†I’m going to take notes for when I redo my bathroom in the spring.

Don’t involve your innocent, little kitty into your twisted world of potty selfies. ¬†Need I say more?

with cat

So those are my rules for potty selfies.  Learn them and follow them.  And now I leave you with my absolute favorite bathroom selfie ever.  Enjoy it, because there are no words.

best one

Bad Boys, Bad Boys. Whatcha gonna do?

They say that girls like bad boys. ¬†If that’s true then I guess I’m an exception to the rule. ¬†I don’t like bad boys. ¬†They don’t turn me on. ¬†I only started liking Darryl on The Walking Dead after they showed that he had a soft side. ¬†So when guys try to be all tough on their profiles, all I have to say is “pass”. ¬†And I just don’t understand the offensive pictures. ¬†What’s that supposed to show, exactly? ¬†Ok class, cue the first slide!

pizap.com14157346360511

Giving yourself the finger totally takes away the lameness of taking a selfie in your car. ¬†Yeah, totally. ¬†You nailed it, ‘brah.

pizap.com14157345890681

Oh, so you’re saying your friends are idiots too? ¬†Good to know. ¬†Plus, you are obviously a great role model for little kids.

pizap.com14157346769121

Photographer: “Ok, dude. ¬†Now put your hand in your pocket so you can look casual. ¬†Hmmm.. something’s missing in this picture. ¬†Oh, I know! ¬†Flip the bird! ¬†It’s brings the whole composition together.”

pizap.com14157347114811

Know how you can add that touch of class to your “fuck you” picture? ¬†Stick your middle finger up your nose. ¬†Voila! ¬†Class!

pizap.com14157347694901

This guy must have graduated from the same school of manners as “What’s your ass up to” and “Turd Burglar”.

IMG_6506

Are you going to tell me that you didn’t notice the guy doing that gesture in the background of your picture? ¬†Please. ¬†Way to slip that one in. ¬†No pun intended.

The lesson learned today is that if you don’t want to come over as a complete douche, put your hands down. ¬†And your pants up. ¬†But that’s another post for another day ūüėõ

Story Time!

Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. ¬†I just haven’t been in a joking mood. ¬†I find more and more things in online dating that are NOT funny especially the way that women are treated. ¬†But let’s put that aside for now and let me tell you a little story. ¬†I apologize for the lack of pictures, this was from before I started documenting this crazy journey.

I had been on OKC for several years, off and on. ¬†Last Christmas, after a disastrous “relationship” with a guy, a friend suggested that I try POF. ¬†So in the spirit of new beginnings, after the New Year I created a profile on there. ¬†I started chatting with this guy and he seemed really nice. ¬†We started talking about meeting up but after giving it some thought, I realized that I was still upset about the last guy and that this would just be rebound and I was not ready to start dating anybody. ¬†I messaged this guy and told him that. ¬†He messages me back, kind of angrily, asking me why I was on a dating site if I wasn’t ready to date. ¬†I told him that I thought I was ready but when we started making plans to meet, I realized I wasn’t ready. ¬†Obviously I didn’t purposefully lead him on. ¬†He basically said “whatever” and that was that.

Being busy with work and whatnot, I didn’t go back to online dating for several months. ¬†Once I did, I checked my OKC profile first and saw a message that this guy (from POF) had sent to me that said “I thought you weren’t ready to date?”. ¬†Now, I should have known better and left it alone but for some reason, I don’t like thinking there are people out there thinking badly of me. ¬†Well, unless I deserve it, of course ūüėõ ¬†So I message him back (on OKC) and tell him that it was an old profile and that I wasn’t actively using it when I told him I wasn’t ready to date. ¬†He was very nice and pleasant and we started talking again. ¬†A couple of days later we were chatting and I told him I was on my way out to hang out with my sister for the evening. ¬†I got home late and noticed that he had written me a whole long story about his life. ¬†Since it was late and I was tired, I figured that I would just reply to him in the morning. ¬†In the middle of the night, my geriatric dog woke me up to go outside. ¬†I let him out and while I was waiting for him to come back inside, I decided to re-read the message this guy had sent me and reply. ¬†However, unbeknownst to me while I had been sleeping, he had messaged me again asking me what he said that made me “flake out”. ¬†Waaaaaiiittt. ¬†What? ¬†I replied that I had told him that I was going out with my sister that night and that I had gotten home late and didn’t have time to read his message and reply. ¬†Then sitting there in bed, waiting for my dog to get his little old butt back inside, I started getting angry. ¬†One time I didn’t reply right away and he calls that flaking out? ¬†What the hell? ¬†All these alarms started going off in my head. ¬†Again, a situation in which I didn’t owe this guy anything. ¬†I had done nothing wrong. ¬†So I messaged him again and told him that I felt insulted that he would say I flaked out after not responding ONCE, especially since I had already told him I would be busy. ¬†I told him that it gave me a bad feeling and that I didn’t want to continue talking to him. ¬†And then I blocked him.

Now remember, the first time I spoke with him was on POF. ¬†The subsequent conversations and blocking were done on OKC. ¬†A few days ago I saw that he visited my profile on POF. ¬†Ugh. ¬†Thankfully though, he has not contacted me. ¬†But if he does, I’ll know better than to respond!

P.S.

Here’s EXACTLY what it’s like to be a girl. ¬†This was a comment made on my last post.

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No matter how often women try to explain about the discrimination, the abuse, the pain, the fear, and the hate that women are subjected to in our society, a man will try to knock her down some more. ¬†Well guess what guy? ¬†I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone than submit myself to the likes of you. ¬†Bring on the negative comments!

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