Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Archive for the tag “misogyny”

What Makes A Woman Beautiful?

I’m going to pick on a friend right now (sorry if you’re reading this, dude). Said friend went to Europe and this is what he posted when he got back:

And that kinda pissed me off, reading this while wearing no makeup except for whatever mascara had managed to last my 13+ hour day, in my dirty scrubs, and in my sneakers that still had some blood on them from earlier that day that I couldn’t clean off.  Yes, I understand that this is work attire and not what he was referring to. But you know what? After 12 years of wearing scrubs, sneakers, and barely any make up, I feel bad for the women who have to get dressed up for work. Dressy clothes can be so uncomfortable. Thankfully, my clients really don’t care if I’m wearing make up and have my hair done when I’m performing CPR on their pet. Also, I’ve gotten to the point that the last thing I want to do when I’m not at work is to wear anything constricting. My body is just not used to it anymore! Let’s break this down:

1.) Heels. Quoting one of my favorite movies “She’s the Man”:


Well? Have you tried running in heels, guys? Just walking and standing in them can be problematic. Twice a year I attend a conference to represent my hospital. I get dressed up and put makeup on because that’s what people expect. But after a few years I gave up on the heels. It’s just not worth it! I’m not going to hurt myself to fit what society has deemed “professional” or “attractive”. Have any of you gentlemen ever been told “beauty is pain”? Not jokingly, but seriously like a parent, or friend telling you to stop whining about the pain you’re in because it’ll all be worth it when you’re “beautiful”? This is what women are taught, basically from birth. I’m not even going to bother giving you the numbers on how many doctors have warned about the negative effects of wearing heels on our feet and backs because can google it yourself. Go for it. I’ll wait.

2.) Hair. I’ve heard it and read it a million times: guys like girls with long hair. Well guess what? I like myself better with short hair! But everybody thinks they need to tell me that they prefer my hair long. Family, hair stylists, and even perfect strangers: 


I love unsolicited advice about my looks! Did I ask for your opinion? Nope. When a hair stylist tries to convince me to leave my hair long… uh, did I ask for your recommendation? Nope. Btw, I’d just like to say that I’m getting my hair done as we speak with my amazing stylist (hey girl!) who supports me in my decision to go short without trying to talk me out of it. Because it’s MY hair. And it’s what I like. So what if “most” guys like long hair? There’s some out there who like it! You know how I know? I know women who have – get this – met men, dated them, and married them, all while having short hair!!!! AMAZING!!! Besides, I already have to get up at 5:30am to get to work. There’s now way I’m getting up any earlier to mess with my hair. Fuck that, I like my sleep.

3.) Make up. I’m not going to lie. Doing elaborate makeup can be fun. I myself enjoy doing it for special occasions or if I’m in the mood. I used to do it all the time when I was younger. I did it because it was fun but also because I felt like I needed to do it to attract guys. Now that I’m older, I just don’t feel like all the fuss is worth it. Guys are always complaining about how long it takes women to get ready. Well it’s society’s fault! You’ve convinced us that we can’t leave the house without a face full of makeup! Do you know how long that takes??? And the upkeep to make sure it still looks good by the end of the day??? And the specials potions and cloths we have to buy to take it all off at the end of the night??? Life is too short to spend it in the bathroom “getting ready”. I’m not saying people who wear makeup every day are doing anything wrong. You want to do it? Do it! You like how you look wearing it? Great! What pisses me off is that women are EXPECTED to wear it, and they are told that their natural self, that they have been born with, is not beautiful. Even my 4 year old niece has been brainwashed. She plays with fake “makeup” and pretends to put it on. She watches TV shows with girls wearing a ton of makeup (CARTOON girls for god sakes). How does that not mess with your head?

4.) Clothes. Girls, wear what you want. I want to emphasize the YOU in that sentence. I like looking at beautiful dresses but I hate wearing them. It limits the ways you can sit. Plus, I’ve got two words for you: chub rub. You can google that too. Now, the most important factor that I use to choose my clothes is comfort. Like leggings. Hello comfort!!!! And you can get them in crazy patterns. I’m obsessed with them. I wish I could wear them all the time. It might just be because I’m older but I just don’t want to wear uncomfortable clothes that are more “attractive”.  

Unfortunately you can’t always fight society. Tonight I’m going to a fancy restaurant with my family for my mom’s birthday. I’m already exhausted at the idea of putting on make up and fancy clothes. But I have to because otherwise it will seem rude. Because you can’t wear leggings or jeans to a fancy restaurant. And you can’t wear pj pants for your mom’s birthday dinner. Why not? Because society tells us so.

P.S.

Here’s EXACTLY what it’s like to be a girl.  This was a comment made on my last post.

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No matter how often women try to explain about the discrimination, the abuse, the pain, the fear, and the hate that women are subjected to in our society, a man will try to knock her down some more.  Well guess what guy?  I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone than submit myself to the likes of you.  Bring on the negative comments!

Let’s Get Serious

The original purpose of this blog was to entertain my friends with the silly and ridiculous things one has to go through when online dating.  It obviously will continue to have silly and ridiculous blogs.  But sometimes I’m going to have to get serious.  Women go through a lot with not just online dating, but dating in general and dealing with men in public as well.  I’m sure that this isn’t true of all men and all women.  I’m just going with my experiences.  Cue Madonna’s “What It Feels Like For a Girl” because I’m gonna show YOU what online dating is like for a girl.

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I’ve used this pic in a previous post (#9 There’s Jokes and Then There’s…) but I really needed to include it in this post as well.  This kind of joke is unacceptable.  Joking about roofies and date rape is NEVER ok.  And this is the kind of stuff that women have to put up with.  Not only do we have to deal with guys trying to roofie and rape us, we have to deal with guys who think that’s funny.  One time in college I thought I saw a guy put something in my drink and then go back to his group of buddies.  There were about 5 of them and they stood around watching me and my friends.  I couldn’t be positive that he actually put something in there but just the thought of it and then seeing him and his buddies with creepy smiles on their faces made me sick to my stomach.  Guys, try putting yourself in my shoes in that situation.  How would that make you feel?

There’s another reason why dating is treacherous for women.  According to Huffpost “At Least a Third of All Women Murdered in the U.S. Are Killed by Male Counterparts”.  (Read the article here: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5927140?utm_hp_ref=tw).  This is one of the reasons I scrutinize profiles so much.

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This message was sent to me completely unsolicited.  Who just gives out their phone number to a complete stranger?  Not only that but straight off the bat with the sexual innuendos.  Or the not so much innuendo.  There probably are girls out there who are just as forward and send the same kind of messages.  But most guys who receive these messages don’t have to worry that the woman on the other end of the message is going to rape and kill them.  It’s just really annoying to repeatedly get messages where the guy just wants to have sex with you.  That’s not what I’m looking for, thanks.  And that’s what’s listed on my profile as well so it shouldn’t be a shock to you.

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Why is it that guys can be sexually open and not get called names, but a woman who is sexually open and adventurous is called a whore?  Or a slut?  Would you really refer to someone you want to date as a whore?  The reverse is also true.  If a woman doesn’t want to have sex with a guy or be sexually open, she’s a prude.  Or because she doesn’t openly talk about sex, she doesn’t have any sexual feelings and is just uptight.  Also, have you noticed there are really no male words for whore, slut or prude?  These words are pretty much defined as female words. Why must there be two separate rules for men and women?  It’s just like a guy who is forceful is respected while a girl who is forceful is a bitch.  Guys, stop using these words to describe women.  Girls, stop using these words against each other.  JUST STOP.

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This guy messaged me and I responded.  His next message was that he didn’t realize I was 34 and was worried that I was out of my prime.  I can’t even remember what I replied to him but his next line was saying that I needed to bring my A game. Needless to say, I stopped responding.  So he continues to message me.  There’s actually more messages that I didn’t take screen shots of.  I haven’t blocked him because he’s not being rude or anything and I’m just curious as to how long it will take for him to stop messaging him.  It’s kind of the rule of online dating that if someone doesn’t reply or stops replying, it’s because they aren’t interested.  Yet this guy keeps messaging me.  JUST STOP.

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Same thing with this guy.  You can clearly see that I have told him I am not interested.  Yet, he repeatedly messages me.  When will guys understand that no means no?  We don’t think it’s cute that you keep trying.  We won’t change our mind just because you are persistent.  JUST STOP.

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Now this guy has never messaged me.  Yet, he “visits” my profile at least once a day, sometimes more.  But because he’s never messaged me, I can’t block him.  I guess visiting a profile every day is not block-worthy.  But I find it incredibly creepy. Again, persistence will not change my mind.  What do you think you’ll accomplish looking at my profile every day?  JUST STOP.

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And another (previously posted on #11 Nicknames/Pet Names)!  As I mentioned before, this guy gave me 10 MINUTES before asking me why I didn’t answer him.  Something else guys need to realize: I don’t owe you anything.  Including an explanation as to why I didn’t answer your message.  It’s my prerogative.  JUST STOP.

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 One more, just in case you thought it was only those two guys.  (Pssst!  It’s not.)

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Ok, say it with me people: I DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING!!!  This guy messaged me both on OKC and POF.  I don’t have to give you an explanation or “tell you what a guy has to do”.  I haven’t messaged you back and it doesn’t matter which app you use, I won’t message you.  JUST STOP.

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No.  That is not the problem.  Take responsibility.  Women have no obligation to reply to you.  Let’s go over this ONE. MORE. TIME.  We owe you nothing.  If women aren’t replying to you, maybe it’s because of how you are messaging them.  JUST STOP.

This reminds me of something horrific that occurred in California this past May.  Elliot Rodger went on a shooting spree as a punishment for all the women that were never attracted to him and refused to date him.  (For more information please go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Isla_Vista_killings).  I am not in any way saying the guy above is anything like Elliot Rodger.  Or any of the other guys in my posts are evil or murderers.  All I’m saying is that there is a preponderance of misogynistic men out there.  Men that feel like women are objects to be used and discarded.  Men that feel like women owe them something.  It frustrates me and sickens me.  Women are either whores, sluts or prudes.  We just can’t win when it comes to sex.  This is our culture, people.  Wake up.  Insist on changing this dogma.  This affects all women.  Your mothers, your sisters, your daughters, YOU.

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