Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Archive for the tag “rape culture”

Let’s Get Serious

The original purpose of this blog was to entertain my friends with the silly and ridiculous things one has to go through when online dating.  It obviously will continue to have silly and ridiculous blogs.  But sometimes I’m going to have to get serious.  Women go through a lot with not just online dating, but dating in general and dealing with men in public as well.  I’m sure that this isn’t true of all men and all women.  I’m just going with my experiences.  Cue Madonna’s “What It Feels Like For a Girl” because I’m gonna show YOU what online dating is like for a girl.

10547534_10153344370080961_8972662729529919759_n

I’ve used this pic in a previous post (#9 There’s Jokes and Then There’s…) but I really needed to include it in this post as well.  This kind of joke is unacceptable.  Joking about roofies and date rape is NEVER ok.  And this is the kind of stuff that women have to put up with.  Not only do we have to deal with guys trying to roofie and rape us, we have to deal with guys who think that’s funny.  One time in college I thought I saw a guy put something in my drink and then go back to his group of buddies.  There were about 5 of them and they stood around watching me and my friends.  I couldn’t be positive that he actually put something in there but just the thought of it and then seeing him and his buddies with creepy smiles on their faces made me sick to my stomach.  Guys, try putting yourself in my shoes in that situation.  How would that make you feel?

There’s another reason why dating is treacherous for women.  According to Huffpost “At Least a Third of All Women Murdered in the U.S. Are Killed by Male Counterparts”.  (Read the article here: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5927140?utm_hp_ref=tw).  This is one of the reasons I scrutinize profiles so much.

10375127_10153346247625961_4455992639974675287_n

This message was sent to me completely unsolicited.  Who just gives out their phone number to a complete stranger?  Not only that but straight off the bat with the sexual innuendos.  Or the not so much innuendo.  There probably are girls out there who are just as forward and send the same kind of messages.  But most guys who receive these messages don’t have to worry that the woman on the other end of the message is going to rape and kill them.  It’s just really annoying to repeatedly get messages where the guy just wants to have sex with you.  That’s not what I’m looking for, thanks.  And that’s what’s listed on my profile as well so it shouldn’t be a shock to you.

IMG_6624

Why is it that guys can be sexually open and not get called names, but a woman who is sexually open and adventurous is called a whore?  Or a slut?  Would you really refer to someone you want to date as a whore?  The reverse is also true.  If a woman doesn’t want to have sex with a guy or be sexually open, she’s a prude.  Or because she doesn’t openly talk about sex, she doesn’t have any sexual feelings and is just uptight.  Also, have you noticed there are really no male words for whore, slut or prude?  These words are pretty much defined as female words. Why must there be two separate rules for men and women?  It’s just like a guy who is forceful is respected while a girl who is forceful is a bitch.  Guys, stop using these words to describe women.  Girls, stop using these words against each other.  JUST STOP.

10616256_10153370596650961_372776314078686778_n1

This guy messaged me and I responded.  His next message was that he didn’t realize I was 34 and was worried that I was out of my prime.  I can’t even remember what I replied to him but his next line was saying that I needed to bring my A game. Needless to say, I stopped responding.  So he continues to message me.  There’s actually more messages that I didn’t take screen shots of.  I haven’t blocked him because he’s not being rude or anything and I’m just curious as to how long it will take for him to stop messaging him.  It’s kind of the rule of online dating that if someone doesn’t reply or stops replying, it’s because they aren’t interested.  Yet this guy keeps messaging me.  JUST STOP.

10659339_10153415269955961_4380615221103210367_n pizap.com14135128492851

Same thing with this guy.  You can clearly see that I have told him I am not interested.  Yet, he repeatedly messages me.  When will guys understand that no means no?  We don’t think it’s cute that you keep trying.  We won’t change our mind just because you are persistent.  JUST STOP.

IMG_6640

Now this guy has never messaged me.  Yet, he “visits” my profile at least once a day, sometimes more.  But because he’s never messaged me, I can’t block him.  I guess visiting a profile every day is not block-worthy.  But I find it incredibly creepy. Again, persistence will not change my mind.  What do you think you’ll accomplish looking at my profile every day?  JUST STOP.

pizap.com14135124804421

And another (previously posted on #11 Nicknames/Pet Names)!  As I mentioned before, this guy gave me 10 MINUTES before asking me why I didn’t answer him.  Something else guys need to realize: I don’t owe you anything.  Including an explanation as to why I didn’t answer your message.  It’s my prerogative.  JUST STOP.

 pizap.com14135855530911

 One more, just in case you thought it was only those two guys.  (Pssst!  It’s not.)

pizap.com14135125446771

Ok, say it with me people: I DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING!!!  This guy messaged me both on OKC and POF.  I don’t have to give you an explanation or “tell you what a guy has to do”.  I haven’t messaged you back and it doesn’t matter which app you use, I won’t message you.  JUST STOP.

pizap.com14135129273461

No.  That is not the problem.  Take responsibility.  Women have no obligation to reply to you.  Let’s go over this ONE. MORE. TIME.  We owe you nothing.  If women aren’t replying to you, maybe it’s because of how you are messaging them.  JUST STOP.

This reminds me of something horrific that occurred in California this past May.  Elliot Rodger went on a shooting spree as a punishment for all the women that were never attracted to him and refused to date him.  (For more information please go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Isla_Vista_killings).  I am not in any way saying the guy above is anything like Elliot Rodger.  Or any of the other guys in my posts are evil or murderers.  All I’m saying is that there is a preponderance of misogynistic men out there.  Men that feel like women are objects to be used and discarded.  Men that feel like women owe them something.  It frustrates me and sickens me.  Women are either whores, sluts or prudes.  We just can’t win when it comes to sex.  This is our culture, people.  Wake up.  Insist on changing this dogma.  This affects all women.  Your mothers, your sisters, your daughters, YOU.

Advertisements

There’s Jokes and Then There’s…

One of the most common desired characteristics in a partner is a sense of humor.  Or according to 90% of profiles on dating websites it is.  Therefore, it makes sense that most people try to be funny in their profile.  Or they try to put something funny as their headline to grab your attention.  Obviously, that’s the point of the headline.  Some people, however, fail miserably in the funny department.  Take this fine fella:

10606437_10153416123030961_8859060606689358268_n

Well it certainly caught my eye!  There’s two ways to look at this.  This guy thinks he’s a funny guy.  He thinks “what can I use as a headline that would be original and would make people laugh?”  Or maybe he thinks a woman would look at that and say “He likes boobies???  I have boobies!!!  It’s like we’re soul mates!!!” The problem is, he’s trying to attract WOMEN.  Not 8 year old boys.  Or maybe he is trying to attract 8 year old boys.  In which case, he’s going about it wrong.  Or not.  I can’t say for sure that there aren’t 8 year old boys on that website.  Back to my point.  You are 38.  Grow up.  Yes, women have breasts.  Congratulations on figuring that out.  You like breasts!  Congrats on that too.  Guess what?  So do most guys.  Or at least the straight ones.  Most women spend their lives trying to show men that they are more than just a pair of boobs with legs.  As a well endowed woman who grew boobs early, I know what that’s like.  I’ve been trying to get guys to look up since I was 9.  Seriously, even if you are trying to do it stealthily, we can still tell.  At least wait until we aren’t having a face to face conversation.  Ugh.  But I digress.  Sometimes the “I like boobies approach works”.  I have a friend who met his current wife while drunk at a bar holding a sign that said just that.  But I choose to think she just took pity on him.  😛

And then there’s the opposite of funny.  Check out this guy:

10547534_10153344370080961_8972662729529919759_n

Guess what genius?  Date rape and roofies are NEVER funny topics.  Especially on a dating site where women are already trying to sort the creeps from the nice guys.  This guy actually sent me a message and I couldn’t help myself, I had to reply.  I sent him a message that stated simply that date rape and roofies are not funny and that anybody who has ever been a victim of either would not appreciate being reminded of it in this way.  I expected him to message me back telling me to lighten up and that it was just a joke but surprisingly enough, he replied with an apology and said he was changing his “First Date” section right away.  He did change it.  I checked.  But really, people.  I can’t believe he thought that was appropriate or even funny. There are a lot of things you can make fun of in this world.  Rape and the perception of women as objects to be used is not one of them.  The fact that a nail polish that detects roofies in drinks even needed to be created is very sad.  I could go on and on about this topic, as it is one that I’m very passionate about but I think you guys have had enough with the heavy for one night.

Post Navigation