Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

New App, Same “Dicks”

Sorry I haven’t blogged for a while. My “vintage” laptop died and it’s a pain in the ass to blog on my phone. But I still have a lot of stories! So without further ado… 

I recently signed up for a new dating app, named Bumble. I thought the premise was pretty smart. You look at profiles and you either swipe right for yes and left for no. If both people swipe right, you get a notification but only the girl can start messaging (at least in the hetero version). So you can’t see who likes you before you like them back but you also can’t get a bunch of creepy messages from random guys you’re not interested in. But also you only have 24 hours to message them before they go away. At least this is how the free version works. Anyway, last night I got a mutual match and sent him an email. Here’s the conversation:


Honestly, that was the first time I’ve gotten that reaction. I hate my smile so I’m usually smirking in all my pics. 


When you picture a sweet and innocent person, does that person have multiple piercings including a nose ring and multiple tattoos? I didn’t think so. But whatever, dude. I ask him about himself and he says that it would be boring. Thinking he’s talking about himself I’m a little confused and ask him what he means. 


Ok. I’ve been down this road before. Either he’s insulting me, which if you’ve read any of my other blog entries you’ll know it’s not a rare occurrence, or he’s trying to goad me into “proving” that I’m not innocent. Which in guy speak means “show me your tits”.


So far he hasn’t been too much of an ass so I decide to be a little flirty. And then:


There it is! Doesn’t take long for some guys to bring their penises into the conversation. Ugh. I am not looking for a quick hook up. You know what they say, honesty is the best policy. Since he’s been so honest with me, the least I can do is be honest with him. 


Crickets. More crickets. Cut away to the guy complaining about how much feminists suck and how I’m probably a cold prude and yadda yadda yadda.

Ok, bye now.

He might have been a dick but at least he didn’t send me a picture of his dick. That’s a nice change. 

Bumble = 👎🏻

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