Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

What’s in a Name?

What is in a name?  Well, if you are online dating, a screen name can reveal a lot about a person.  It is difficult sometimes to pick a screen name, especially when you’ve already tried 3 different names and they are all already taken.  I’ve been there myself.  But you really need to be careful when you finally settle on one.  There are many reasons why the name you chose might be the wrong one.  Sometimes just the profile name alone will keep me from even looking at the profile itself! Let’s take a look at some examples.

stoner

Just what I’ve been looking for!  A lonely stoner!  This guy really sounds like a catch.  420?  Yeah, that’s original.  Pot heads just looooove it.  Thanks for reminding me that what you are doing is illegal in most states.  69.  Again, how original.  Guys love to include the number 69 in their profile name.  These guys are probably the same ones that would insult me on our date and punch me in the arm to show that they are interested.  Moving on.

maybe

Is that supposed to be intriguing?  Are you trying to be all mysterious?  If you aren’t looking then why are you even on the dating site?  And why is your profile listed as “actively seeking a relationship”?  Ugh.  Make up your mind!  I hate guys who are indecisive.  Well I’ve made up my mind that I’m definitely not looking for you.  Oh, and there’s a “g” in looking, FYI.

curved

Really???  Why are guys so obsessed with their penises????  That’s really TMI and I haven’t even looked at your profile yet.  Can we at least keep some things a mystery?  At least until after the first date?

nubbinz

This makes me think you have a third nipple.  Sorry.

charmin

You’re Prince Charmin?  Does that mean you are the heir to the Charmin toilet paper fortune?  Cause that’s the only reason I’d go out with a guy who is a Tower of Silence.  How boring would it be to just sit there in complete silence?  Yeah, right.  Anybody who knows me knows it wouldn’t be complete silence.  But still, I’d rather have someone to talk with instead of someone to talk to.

chivlary

No, but you know what is dead?  People’s ability to spell.  And proof read.

cincere 1 cinsere 2

I “cincerely” hope you guys are joking.

handsomly

Let’s forget for a moment that he actually misspelled handsomely.  But can you really be handsomely hot?  I feel like you can only be one or the other, no?  Besides, I hate people who choose flattering descriptions of their looks.  Shouldn’t it be me who decides that you are handsome or hot instead of being told that you are? Oh, who are we kidding?  I can’t forget that he spelled it wrong.

 luvpuddin

Last but not least, this one just makes me giggle every time I see it.  😛

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