Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Satan? Is that you?

As you’ve no doubt gathered from my blog, there are quite the characters in online dating.  Some of the profiles I’ll be sharing with you shortly feature some famous characters.  ***DISCLAIMER*** If you are easily offended at religious humor, you might want to skip this one.

Who knew Satan was online dating?  Well, if you have read my title page, it’s not a surprise.  I knew.  Yup.

feed your soul

There he is!  At least he’s not using that tired old “Is it hot in here or is it just you?” line.  This guy brings a whole new meaning to the term “soul mate”.  But seriously Satan, it clearly says in my profile not to call me Izzy.  I could have dealt with the soul sucking.  But using a not approved nickname?  That’s just evil.

black satan

Ah, a nice shot of your house.  I bet if this winter is as bad as I think it’s going to be, I’m going to be messaging this guy just so I can get nice and toasty.  Hell: a nice place to visit when your house is snowed in.  I’ll send you all some postcards!


Even with the face blurred, I know exactly who this guy is.  I mean, come on.  The crown of thorns?  The stigmata?  The TOGA?  Total give away, Jesus!  Guess you just couldn’t let Satan get all the girls, huh?  But hey, I might go out with this guy.  I mean, he turns water into wine!  That’s a cheap date right there!  Although I think I’d get a little intimidated when it got to the “meet the parents” stage.  God is super hard to impress.


Now this one throws me for a loop.  You’ve got Osama Bin Laden as the Virgin Mary and then some random guy as baby Jesus.  I’m got no words.  Ok, I’ve got some words.  They’re mostly: huuuuuuhhhhh???  and WTF.  Who sees this picture on their feed and think “I want to date this guy”?  I guess you can give him points for artistic creativity?  I’m sure there’s an art gallery in some hipster part of Philly or New York with an exhibition that’s got nothing but pictures like this.  And there’s a guy standing there next to this picture.  He’s wearing a beret and glasses even though he’s got 20/20 vision.  He’s explaining to this girl that he made this picture to depict his rebellion against the government.  And cover ups.  And Jesus.  And of course, Big Brother.  Yeah.  I don’t want to date that guy.  Or Satan.  Or Jesus.  Or the corpse of Osama Bin Laden.  Or the Virgin Mary for that matter.


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