Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Fetishism – Part 3

I honestly didn’t think that I’d have 3 posts dedicated to fetishes, let alone have an entire category for it!  Welcome to the world of online dating, ladies and gentleman!  Let’s dive right in, shall we?

dom

Hey!  I’ve actually heard of this one!!!  Although I did have to ask a friend what BDSM stood for a couple of years ago…
Is it sad that when I saw this it made me feel a little bit better because this fetish seems so much more “mainstream” to me?  Needless to say, I was less creeped out by this guy than some of the others.  And he listed “dom” as his profession.  Think it’s actually his job?!?!?!  Is there a big BDSM club out in Newark that I’m not aware of?  Don’t answer that.  Cause 99% of my readers are people I know and I DON’T want to know how you know the answer to that.  No, seriously.  Stop.

cougar

I don’t know if you’d classify this one as a fetish, per se.  Young guys that are into cougars.  I’m going to go with yes.  Either way, I’m putting it in this post and in this category so now it’s totally a fetish.  I now dub thee, “cougar fetish”!  Again, this one wasn’t that creepy to me.  Although it did piss me off.  I’m friggin 34!!!  I’m so not a cougar!  Don’t you have to be at least 40 to be considered a cougar???  I get that I’m 14 years older than this dude, but I’M NOT A COUGAR DAMMIT!  And if by some chance you are a member of the cougar chaser club and according to your rules I am a cougar, please don’t tell me.  No, seriously.  Stop.

first date

Woo hoo!  Another one I’ve heard of!  I’m on a roll here.  Ok, so 69 and threesomes.  Not that crazy and out there.  HOWEVER, he has this listed as his FIRST DATE!  This guy doesn’t waste any time, does he?  And what exactly is the first date etiquette for threesomes?  Am I supposed to bring the other guy or is he?  How embarrassing would it be if we both brought another guy.  Awkward!

urgratest

Ummm… thank you?  I’m fairly certain that this guy uses this line frequently.  I mean, it’s just too detailed to be something he just thought up while looking at my picture.  I have a feeling he’s planned it all out.  And he’s probably asked an ex-girlfriend or two to act this out for him.  But you know why I would never respond to this guy?  His profile name is urgratestfan.  I hate people who use “ur” instead of “your”.  And he misspelled greatest.  Now THAT would be my fetish.  A guy who can spell correctly!  Sign me up for that club!

daddy

This guy probably isn’t into fetishes (although seeing the amount of people I find online that have fetish leanings would suggest otherwise) but his name just creeps me out.  I really really really don’t get the whole “daddy” nickname thing.  It’s so gross.  The last thing I want to associate with someone I’m sexually attracted to is my father.  I’m not against using nicknames in the bedroom.  Just not that one.  I knew someone who used to call her boyfriend “Pappa J”.  Ewww.  This isn’t the backwoods of the Appalachian region.  Or wherever people have an Uncle Daddy and a Aunt Sister.

pregnant

What’s up with that???  I get that pregnant women can still be attractive.  I get that they can still have sex.  But I figured they’d be having sex with the guy who impregnated them, not some random dude they just met!  And is it just me or is it weird for a guy to be turned on by pregnant women in general and not just their partner who is pregnant with their child?  Is there a name for this kind of fetish?  I’m thinking if there is, it’s probably gross.  So don’t tell me.  No, seriously.  Stop.

A little while back a friend of mine shared one of my fetish blogs on her Facebook page.  Two friends mentioned Rule 34 of the Internet.  Me being who I am, I had never heard of Rule 34 before.  So a friend shared this cartoon with me:

e34

This brought back a memory of a get together at a friend’s house.  Actually it was the same night as “The Run In” (post #2) believe it or not.  Somehow at one point during the night someone mentioned Pterodactyl porn.  A bunch of us didn’t believe that it actually existed but thanks to the internet and smart phones, someone produced proof.  Oh yes, there is Pterodactyl porn.  But that’s not the weirdest part.  The weirdest part was that my first thought was: “but humans and Pterodactyls weren’t even around at the same time!”.  And that is pretty much the best example of how my brain works.

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