Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Watch Out! Here comes the Grammar Police!

Anybody who knows me, knows that I’m a bit of a grammar Nazi.  Ok, maybe a lot.  One of the most cringe-worthy things about online dating (other than some creepy pictures and fetishes) is the spelling and grammar.  I truly worry for the state of the future if this is a true reflection of the population. But I’m ok with breaking some grammar rules.  I mean, I tend to use fragment sentences.  All the time.  And I start sentences with “and”.  And “but”.  And “because”.  But, really???  You’re trying to make a good impression here.  You couldn’t be bothered to spell check?  Let’s take a look at some of these train wrecks, shall we?

don't bothers

First of all, that extra little “i” didn’t just stick out at you like a sore thumb?  It just pops right out, like “Hey!  I don’t belong here!”  And why can’t people get the difference between your and you’re?  YOU’RE 37, dude.  You should have figured it out by now.  Well, I definitely won’t “bothers” this guy.  That’s for damn sure.  Next.

collage

Oh, dear.  Where’d you get that GED from?  A box of Cracker Jacks?  I think you should demand a refund.  Try Hooked on Phonics.  It worked for me!  Next.

smartre

How smart can this guy actually be if he misspelled “smarter”?  You know what’s working smarter and not harder?  Using spell check to find typos.  Next.

moring

Where shall I start?  First of all, there’s this little thing called punctuation.  You should use it.  And hasn’t anybody ever told you that all caps means you’re yelling?  No?  Well, either way, it looks bad.  I know that these days, using “was” instead of “were” like in the above “thought you was pretty” is acceptable.  Well, it’s not.  You may not bite gRreatguyy1111, but spelling and grammar like that makes me want to rip your throat out with my teeth.  Next.

god looking

This guy’s headline is a little confusing.  Are you a “good guy” who can’t spell or are you a very religious man?  And what exactly are you looking for?  A date?  God?  Next.

god sense

Here’s another religious guy!  He’s got a god sense of humor!  Does that mean striking people down?  Sending plagues?  Cause both those things are hilarious!  This guy also never learned about punctuation.  He also didn’t get the memo on capitalization.  Maybe he got his GED from the same place as the guy from earlier.  Oh, and the entering of random characters because you’re too lazy to fill out your profile to the minimum required?  That’s hot.  Next.

drudgery

This one’s pretty confusing too.  It seems like he just stuck in a bunch of random letters, but then he comes out with a fancy word like “drudgery”.  Did that just happen by accident?  Is this a case of just lucky auto correcting?  I keep coming back to this one, thinking it must be a code of some kind.  Where’s the guy from The DaVinci Code when you need him?  Next.

writer

Now, I feel a little bad about including this guy in this post.  Clearly, English is not his first language.  But if you want to be a writer, don’t you think you’d be a little bit more careful about what you write?  Even in another language?  Couldn’t you have someone who speaks it better than you help you out?  Maybe I only put this picture on here because I have the sense of humor of an elementary school kid because I giggle every time I see “fanny” and “gaz” in this picture.  😛  Next.

quote

If you’re going to use a quote on your profile to make yourself look smart, important or knowledgeable, you might want to make sure you have that quote correct.  It’s called Google and Wikipedia.  I have personally used this quote before: “He who stands for nothing will fall for anything.” I honestly never knew who said it.  But guess what?  I googled it!  And discovered it was from Alexander Hamilton.  And I also learned that Malcolm X also used that quote.  BOOM.  Mind blown. See what happens when you do a little research? Next and final.

evil

Dude!  You can’t just add an extra step!  Seriously.  WTF. Ugh!

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2 thoughts on “Watch Out! Here comes the Grammar Police!

  1. I have enjoyed reading you blog. I will point out that there is a little known fourth step. The fourth image is called “DO no harm.” My understanding is that the image is depicted as a fourth monkey with his hands help in front of his groin region. I actually just learned of this variation in the last week or so.

    Keep up the food work on your blog I am enjoying it very much and I am lookingforwardbrobeeasinh more

    Like

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