Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Nicknames/Pet Names

First off, I have to admit that I was totally schooled the other day.  Schooled in a very polite way, but schooled nonetheless.  Turns out there is a “do no evil” in the series of “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”.  Well, damn.  I should have Googled it. Now that’s some irony right there.  But I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong as it happens so infrequently 😉  So thanks for pointing out my mistake, dear reader.  And thank you for being so nice about it and not being a jerk.  I still stand by the fact that it was a weird and creepy picture to have on your dating profile though!

Ok, now let’s get to the meat of this post.  Nicknames and pet names.  I have some rather stringent rules and beliefs when it comes to those two things.  Personally, I abhor being called Izzy by anyone other than my sister and niece.  I can’t explain why it sounds normal coming from them but wrong coming from anyone else.  I pretty much go by Iz or Isabelle.  I also dislike when strangers use pet names.  I don’t mind when people I know and love do it.  I frequently call my friends and coworkers “honey”. But total strangers?  No.  Here’s one of my absolutely least favorites:


Ugh.  I hate being called sweetheart.  It’s the absolute worst.  It feels condescending to me.  Like I should be a 40 some year old waitress working the late shift at a crappy diner and there’s a trucker asking for more coffee: “Can I get a refill, sweetheart?”  Nope.


Unless I’ve finally achieved my dream of becoming a Disney Princess and living in Cinderella’s castle, don’t call me that.  I’m definitely NOT the girl you are looking for.


No, no I cannot.  And adding the “lol” doesn’t make it less creepy that you’ve given me 10 minutes to reply.


And again with the princess!!!!  Yes, you did text me before and no I didn’t answer you.  Get the hint!  Blocked.

Now on to this other guy.  I’ve gone on a couple of dates with him we’ve taken to calling him “Lunch Date”.  He’s very nice and funny.  The problem is that he is ALWAYS using nicknames and pet names.  It’s partly my fault that he has continued in this vein since I never told him it bothered me.  But I also didn’t realize how much he was going to use them!  And once you haven’t objected to it, it’s hard to go back and object, you know?  And how do you tell someone that what they think is being nice is actually not nice to you?  Well, here’s a breakdown of them all:
1.) Lunch Buddy
2.) Pretty Girl
3.) Ms. Isabelle
4.) Sunshine
5.) Ms. Belle
6.) Pretty Lady
7.) Sexy
8.) Ms. Isabelle (again)
9.) Lady
10.) Ms. Belle (second time)
11.) Pretty Lady (#2)
12.) Cuteness (vomit)
and finally we have:

13.) turd burglar

WHAT?!?!?!  How do we get from these sickeningly sweet pet names and nicknames to TURD BURGLAR????  I’ve never even heard of that before.  I got that message while I was on my lunch break at work and I was pretty baffled as to how to reply.  It was definitely a “what’s your ass up to” moment.  I finally replied: “uh, what?” and he said “hahahaha turd burglar, it’s funny.”  I came down from lunch and had to tell my coworkers.  None of them knew what to make of it either.  One of my co-workers Googled it (thanks again, Google!) and apparently it’s a person who interrupts you while you are pooping so that you can’t finish the job.  Oh how romantic.  What goes on in men’s brains???  At least we had a good time with it at work.  We spent the rest of the day calling each other turd burglar.  As to Lunch Date… I haven’t messaged him back yet.  I have no idea what to say.


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