Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Some Guys Never Outgrow the “If He’s Mean to You it Means He Likes You” Mentality

I’ve been accused of coming on too strong before.  So for a while there, I decided to back off and let the guys ask me out.  I would be talking to these guys for weeks, and they either got bored or they got serious with someone else in the meantime and had to stop chatting with me.  After a guy I really liked told me he was now in an exclusive relationship with another girl, I thought: “Screw it!  Next guy I start talking to, I’m going to ask him out right away.”  That turned out not to be a great game plan either.  Surprise, surprise.  But I’m getting ahead of myself here.  Next guy comes along, we chat for a day or two.  He seems nice, I ask him out.  We make plans to meet for drinks at my favorite sushi restaurant.  When I got there, he was already sitting at the bar.  We say our hellos and he tells me he’s already ordered some food for us to share.  Most people would not get annoyed by this, however, I’m kind of a picky eater so I don’t like other people ordering for me.  I also don’t like it because it makes me feel like we’re back to before the women’s rights movement.  Dude, I can vote now.  Let me order my own food.  Geez. Anyway, we get to chatting and I ask him what he does for a living.  He pompously describes his job with the government (I don’t even remember what it was, just that he was very “I’m so cool.  I’m so important.”).  He then tells me that his sister also works for the government and that he doesn’t even know what she actually does because it’s top secret but only that “she gets very tense when she’s in a room with foreigners”.  Trying to lighten the mood I jokingly said “well it’s a good thing she’s not here because I’m actually a foreigner!”  He asks me where I’m from, and I tell him Canada.  He then proceeds to spend the next 5 minutes telling Canadian jokes.  At that point, I just turn my attention to the food and my drink.  He finally realizes that I’m not enjoying his oh-so-original humor.  (For clarity’s sake I’ve put his lines in blue and mine in green.)

“What? You don’t think that’s funny?”
“Well, after living here for 15 years, I’ve heard it all before.”
[very rudely] “You’ve lived here for 15 years?  You can’t really call yourself a Canadian then.”
[getting angry] “It’s not like I’m going around, shouting at the top of my voice that I’m Canadian and wearing a maple leaf on my shirt.  It just came up in the conversation!!!”

Silence…

He decides to change the conversation.  

“So what do you do for fun?”
“I like to read.  I like to have movie nights or game nights with my friends.”
[snorts] “THAT’S what you like to do for fun???”
[angry again] “Well what do YOU like to do for fun?”
“I play an online sustenance farming game with some friends in San Francisco.”
[What the hell does that mean?  He’s playing Farmville???] “Oh so THAT’S ok to do for fun, but not game nights and movie nights???”

Silence…

At this point, I should have just cut my losses.  But ever a glutton for punishment, I stay.  

“Something else I like to do is knit.  I’ve got a scarf in my car that I knitted.  Do you want to go see it?”
“Uh no!!!!!  Just ignore the smell of chloroform!!!”
“No, it’s not like that!  It’s just that it was too warm for me to wear the scarf into the restaurant!”

Silence…

“My friends and I had a dress up New Year’s Eve party.  I wore a top hat and tails.  Want to see pictures?”
[I can’t even be nice anymore] “No.”

We pay the bill and he walks me to my car.

“I had a good time tonight.”
[Are you kidding me????] “Well it sure was interesting.”

I get in my car and drive away.  No hug, no handshake, nothing.  I just want to get the hell out of there.  On the drive home I get a message from him:

“I meant what I said, I had a good time tonight.”
“Like I said, it was interesting.”

I’m amazed he didn’t punch me on the arm and accuse me of having cooties.

 

 

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