Dating is Hell

…and I've already heard Satan's pick up line

Fetishism – is that a word?

We all know that there are fetishists out there.  And honestly, I feel like if you aren’t hurting anybody then let your freak flag fly.  It’s just not for me.  So when I get messages from a fetishist, it makes me a little bit uncomfortable.  Although I’m glad for the heads up.  I’d much rather they start off with it right away than to get involved with a person only to find out later they are into stuff that is not in my wheelhouse.  But aren’t there special websites for these things?  Places they can go knowing they’ll find like minded folks?  I feel like these poor guys are probably getting let down a lot.  Or maybe I’m just being naive and there’s a lot more people into that stuff than I thought.  And what about she-fetishists? (I totally made that word up too)  Are there as many of those out there as he-fetishists?  Are the ladies also sending out these messages on dating websites?  Well my first brush with a fetishist wasn’t that bad:


A tame, innocent little message.  But the screen name says it all.  A foot fetish seems (at least to me) the tamest of most fetishes.  However, feet gross me out.  My own included.  Once in college I was at a get together with some of my friends and some of their friends.  I was sitting on a couch with my feet up next to me.  Guy I just met that night says he likes feet and would I mind if he massaged my feet for me.  I’d had a drink or two, so I thought: “Why not?”  I told him to go ahead.  About a minute later, while conversing with someone else, I feel something wet on my big toe.  I look over and this guy has my toe in his mouth!!!  Ok, no.  I draw the line there.  Especially with you, guy who I just met (and who’s name I don’t remember or who he knew at the party).

The next fetish message was a little bit stranger:


I understand that some people get pleasure from pain, but my mind automatically goes to the permanent damage that could potentially cause.  What if you kicked so hard that they exploded or something???  Or you killed all the sperm swimming around in there???  Yikes.  But I must admit that on days where I’m particularly annoyed with the male of the species, I feel like messaging this guy and accepting his offer.  Repeatedly.  And while I’m sure that most fetishists are harmless, this one creeps me out a little bit.  Like after I kicked him, he’d ask if I wanted to see the scarf he had knitted or something and next thing I know, I’d wake up at the bottom of a well with a bottle of lotion.  No thank you and good luck.


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