To Reply or Not Reply
That is the question, folks! If Hamlet was dating in the 21st century, he’d probably be pondering just that. Today’s topic comes from a discussion I had with friends about not getting replies to messages on the dating apps, and the frustration that ensued.
Personally, it doesn’t really bother me if I don’t get a reply to a message. If they’re not interested, they’re not interested. They don’t owe me anything. It bothered me at first, but after all these years (years?!?! Ugh!) I’m pretty used to it. For the most part, I don’t reply either. I mean, some messages don’t even warrant a reply. For example:
Then sometimes the messages are just stupid or makes the guy sound like an idiot. I know that’s a snap judgement, but again, I just don’t feel like putting in the time and effort to try to see if there is more to these guys:
There’s also the messages that are obviously pick up lines and they are just waiting for you to reply to drop it on you. NO THANK YOU.
I know this guy just wants me to message back with “what hurt?” and he’ll reply with something super cheesy like “when I fell for you”. Ugh. Up your game, dude.
Sometimes I think that I should just message people back right away with a “not interested” because some people just can’t take the hint. They will just keep messaging you over and over again, usually with the same stuff until you finally break down and message them just to shut them the fuck up.
I’ve talked about this before: how the anonymity of the internet makes people think they can just say whatever they want, no matter how rude or inappropriate. Maybe had I replied to this guy with a “not interested” it wouldn’t have escalated to this:
That definitely escalated quickly! Was he expecting me to reply with “Thank you!!! I was just waiting for you to say something about my breasts before replying!” This is the internet for you! I’m pretty sure this guy doesn’t go around meeting new people in public going “Hi, how are you? You have amazing breasts!”. Or maybe he does. I don’t know this guy. But if he does do that in person, I hope women have punched him in the ball sack for it.
This next guy’s approach could be interpreted in two ways. Let’s see what he wrote.
First thought, he’s a male with a fragile ego who can’t take rejection from a woman as having anything to do with him or his approach. So he has to blame it on something else. “This chick didn’t reply to me, she must not date black guys.” That way he doesn’t have to look at himself too closely, like “maybe I should have messaged her with something about her profile or written more than just a good morning.” Nope. It’s so much easier to put the blame on someone else. My second thought is that he said that to get a response out of me by hoping that I would reply to prove him wrong. Like I’m so scared that a stranger on the internet might think I’m racist, that I have to message him back to clarify it. Well I know that I’m not racist, I don’t have to try to prove to a stranger that I’m not interested in that I’m not. No matter why this guy messaged me that, I’m not replying.
Now sometimes when I’m feeling particularly snarky, I will reply to guys who have repeatedly messaged me:
But obviously this usually dissolves into immature insults. So maybe I should stick to my “no reply” rule… š¤£
Dating is Hell 