Bumble Fucked
Hold on tight folks. Grab yourself a refreshment, take a potty break now because it’s gonna be a long one. Any relatives reading this, if you don’t want to hear about some sexy time stuff (I’ll keep it vague, I promise), you might want to skip this one. Ok, everybody ready? Here we go….
Wow, it’s been a while! The reason behind this lack of posts is that I took a little break from dating. I wanted to work on myself and try to figure out how I could break the cycle of my dating assholes who treat me like shit and nice guys who I push away. I did goof around on the dating apps to see what was out there and see what kind of matches I was getting but I wasn’t really doing anything about them. My job kept me pretty busy so it wasn’t like I had a lot of time to devote to dating any way. Recently I decided to put a little bit more effort into it and spending more time on Bumble. I like Bumble the best out of the other apps but the one thing that is tricky is that you don’t get much room to write stuff about yourself. So sometimes it’s hard to know if potential matches fit my criteria. Which is how I started talking to MJ. Those of you who’ve read previous posts know that I am not a kid person. So I probably would have swiped left on his profile had he written on there that he had kids. But he didn’t and he apparently didn’t read my profile very closely that said no kids, so we matched and I messaged him. Right off the bat I could tell he had my kind of sense of humor. He was witty and even a little snarky. After one or two back and forths, I guess he went back and read my profile again and he told me he had kids and that that was probably a deal breaker. And then the strangest thing happened…. I didn’t care! For some reason I just had this feeling about him. I wanted to keep talking to him. Maybe it was because his kids were older (12 and 16), or maybe it was because of his ability to keep up with my wise cracks but I decided not to write him off. We chatted for 3 days on the app before I asked him out. We decided on a nice, non threatening Starbucks date for the next day. It went really well. We chatted and laughed for about 3 hours before I called it a night. Right after that I gave him my cell phone number and we texted pretty much every day. There was some flirting and he said some really sweet things that made me think he was very into me. I asked him out a second time, and invited him to go to yoga with me and then brunch. I was actually a little surprised when he said yes since he’d never done it before! And not only that, he braved Black Friday weekend shoppers to go buy a pair of sweat pants since he didn’t have anything appropriate to wear! I’m thinking “now this is a guy who’s into me. Why else would he put in that kind of effort?”. Yoga and brunch came and went and we had a great time. More texting. More flirting. Him actually asking important questions about my life and also seeming to retain my answers. We decide to go to dinner for our next date. He chooses to go eat sushi. I LOVE SUSHI. “Look at how many things we have in common?”, I’m thinking at this point. Sushi date lasts 2.5 hours and mostly ends because the restaurant is getting ready to close and we’re getting some looks from the staff. A couple of goodnight kisses at the end made me a little giddy. We continued to text every day, a little more intensive flirting, a little more risqué as well. We even talked about his sons a little bit and it didn’t scare me away. He talked about wanting to do more yoga, so I invited him to another class and he accepted. I was feeling very comfortable with him. So much so that I actually invited him to my house for date #4, which was to take place before the next yoga class. I’ve never had a date come to my house that early on in the dating process, unless we were already friends before we started dating. The plan was to watch Christmas Vacation and I warned him that my dogs would probably want some attention and I wanted to make sure that it was ok that we were having movie night at my place. His response?
Awwwwww! He gets me!!!! So he came over, we watched the movie and ate pizza. He petted my dogs and they all got along. I won’t go into details but there was some making out. More giddiness ensued. More texting, more flirting, more risqué-ing. Two days after the dinner and 4 days before the scheduled yoga date, I asked him if he would be able to hang out afterwards to which he replied, “I can chill afterwards, my day is wide open”. We texted some more and he was talking about going to his weekly poker game that night. I made mention of… something… and he replied that he would be playing poker “completely distracted all night long.” Things are going well. I’m in the “honeymoon” phase at the start of a relationship. When everything seems good, you’re happy, excited, can’t wait to see them again. He gets home from poker, tells me he lost but still had a good time. We say good night and I go to work the next day. I text him something random on my lunch break but don’t hear anything back. No biggie. I only get a half hour break, I didn’t really expect him to reply during that short window. As I’m leaving for work several hours later, I see that I got a text from him earlier:
Wait… what?!?! How did we go from “sexting” (not super graphic, but still) to dumping? I am caught completely off guard. This felt like it came completely out of the blue. I get that it was early on in the relationship and we didn’t say that we were exclusive, but it still came as a shock. Things had felt very different with him. Historically I have dated/hooked up with either guys that treated me like shit and made me beg for their attention or really nice guys that I didn’t feel very comfortable with and would push away. This was the first time I had dated a nice guy, whom I felt comfortable with, who I didn’t have to beg for attention or savor the scraps they threw me of themselves. I texted him back a little while later telling him that it would have been a lie if I said I wasn’t hurt and disappointed. There was a little back and forth of non important whatevers and that was that. It was over. But now comes all the questions….
How did he even have time to date this other person? Is he just that good of a multi-tasker? Between his job and our very frequent texting, it seemed to me like he shouldn’t even have had time to date/chat with someone else. Next thought, if he’s “obviously attracted to me”, I’m fun to hang out with, I have a great sense of humor, and I’m one of the coolest new people he’s hung out with in a long time, why is he choosing her over me? Who is this chick? Kendall Fucking Jenner? (Although let’s be honest, I have a way better personality than that bitch). So maybe it’s because I didn’t have sex with him during the movie night. Maybe he’s not as nice as I thought he was and wasn’t all about having a connection with someone and he just cared about the boning and the other girl puts out. Or maybe the reason my house was “not only ok, but preferable” wasn’t because he wanted to meet my dogs but because he didn’t want me at his house because he already has a live in girl friend. Or maybe it’s none of those things. Maybe he was just lying and he lost interest. Maybe there is no other girl and he just wanted to let me down easy in the old tradition of “it’s not you, it’s me”.
I guess we’ll never know. But I miss having someone to text and flirt with and the thought of going back on Bumble or any of the other dating sites just depresses the fuck out of me.
Dating is Hell 